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Here I am inside this bar without a drop to drink With all these bloody revelers far to drunk to think Every bone inside me body's saying I should roam I have to stay until the end I'm here to drive them home So buy another round and tip the bar a fiver And let's drink a toast to the designated driver There's a mosh pit on the dance floor and they're smoshing to the band They didn't really mean to mosh they're just too drunk to stand All the body contact it awakes your inner drive And all the bumps and bruises they remind you you're alive All you undulaters tip the band a fiver And let's have a dance with the designated driver Jenny's in a corner and she's talking to a plant Billy's hitting on a broad fergetting she's his aunt Karen's on a table and she's sleeping like a stone Johnny's in bathroom talking on the porcelain phone Let's take a moment before this night is over And show our gratitude to the one of us who's sober Now every seat inside my car is filled with reaking drunks I think I even have a couple passed out in the trunk Every soul within my care will make it home alive Let's do it again tomorrow night and someone else can drive You can't be naked on a horse you're not Lady Gadiver How you getting home? Your designated driver© 2011 Jeff Kelley